BigBonedMovie

I wonder if there will ever be a day when I actually look forward to the holidays. It used to be my favorite part of year, but now it just turns me into a gigantic stress ball. I mean, I’ve spent the last ten years of my life trying to deprogram myself from childhood, but every year I’m forced to go spend time with the people responsible for the original faulty programming. Shouldn’t I get a “get out of crazy town” card or something? Haven’t I done my time???

Of course, it’s not the same as when I was a kid. My parents are long divorced and they have both moved on with new spouses, and I even have a jumble of new family (brothers and sisters) that are more strangers than family, but we are all forced together in an uncomfortable net of obligation and uncomfortable conversation every year.

Don’t get me wrong. I used to try. I even attempted to get everybody to play games with one another a couple of years ago, but I ended up at a table with nothing but ankle-biters. All the adults sat in the den and stared at the TV while I place UNO at the kid’s . . . some of which refuse to do anything but whisper to one another instead of talk while others run around screaming at the top of their lungs and forcing every viable sperm in my body to retreat in terror. Like I said, it’s all very strange and WAY abnormal, but they’re all very nice and decent enough people, and I’m sure they feel the same as me . . . probably think I’m gay since I’m not married with a bunch of little Roman’s dancing around my feet. Who knows what goes through their minds. Maybe they’re writing blogs at this very moment. Hehe.

So, here I am, the Holidays quickly approaching, and me sitting here trying not to eat everything in sight. It honestly feels like I’m going to explode, but that would be too convenient and easy and wonderful. I guess all I can do is take a deep breath . . . maybe several, and just smile and ease through it (hopefully) unscathed.

It all begins this weekend with an overnight stay at my dad’s house with his new fiance. It’s me, my sister and her family and fiance’s son and family. Who knows what will happen . . . maybe it’ll be amazing and magical and all those things that used to exist in the fantasy mind of a little freckled kid who believed in Santa until he was thirteen. Yeah, I said thirteen. So?

Here’s hoping…